True North Thoughts

Category: Posts

  • Finding Hope in Winter’s Grip

    The days draw longer now. I find myself restlessly sitting around, waiting for winter to loosen its grip and for spring and summer to return. I want to get back to my true happy place—the campground, the outdoors, the easy kind of time that comes with friends and family when the air feels alive again.

    I’ve never really been someone who dwells on the seasons. I’ve always been able to shrug off the cold, push through the darker days, keep it moving. But for some reason this year, it’s getting to me more than I expected. Maybe it’s not just the weather. Maybe it’s what the end of last year dragged in with it, and what the beginning of this one asked me to carry.

    The end of the year and the start of this one were mentally troubling for me. Not in a dramatic, “everything fell apart overnight” kind of way—but in that slow, quiet way that wears you down. The kind that shows up in your patience, your sleep, your motivation. The kind you don’t notice until you’re already standing in it.

    And then there was the friendship I lost.

    That’s the part that still messes with me, if I’m being honest. Because it wasn’t a clean break. It wasn’t a single moment where you can point and say, That’s where it ended. It was slow. Gradual. A fade I didn’t see coming because I was blinded by loyalty, by history, by hope—by the version of that friendship I kept trying to believe was still real. I didn’t recognize it was ending while it was happening. I didn’t want to.

    There’s a specific kind of grief that comes with that. Not just losing someone, but realizing you were fighting for something that had already started slipping away. Realizing the effort wasn’t mutual anymore. Realizing you were the one filling in the silence, making excuses, adjusting your expectations, carrying the weight so it didn’t collapse.

    And now, here I am—watching the days stretch out again, waiting for warmth to come back, trying to convince myself that I’m not stuck, just in between.

    That’s what winter feels like to me right now: in between.

    In between who I was last summer and who I’m becoming now. In between the version of life that felt light and the version that feels heavier than it should. In between letting go and learning how to move forward without needing closure I may never get.

    I don’t think I’m asking for a perfect season. I’m not asking for everything to be easy. I just want to feel like myself again. I want the mornings that start with purpose and end with a tired kind of peace. I want campfires, laughter, open air, and the kind of quiet that heals instead of the kind that echoes.

    Maybe that’s why it’s hitting harder this year—because I’m not just waiting for spring.

    I’m waiting to feel alive again.

    And until then, I’m trying to be honest about where I’m at, without letting it turn into a place I live permanently. I’m trying to remember that some things end not because you failed, but because you outgrew what you were settling for. I’m trying to trust that what’s meant for me won’t require me to chase it, beg for it, or shrink myself to keep it.

    If you’ve been feeling that winter heaviness too—like you’re restless, like you’re stuck in neutral, like you’re missing a version of yourself you can’t quite reach right now—you’re not alone.

    Tell me in the comments: what are you counting down to this year? What’s your “campground” season—your place, your people, your reset?

  • Lessons from a Challenging Year: Growth Through Change

    It’s hard to wrap a year like this into a neat summary. It tested my direction, exposed what wasn’t steady, and taught me lessons that came with both clarity and heartbreak.

    Last year started with a move — the kind of move that doesn’t just change an address, it changes routines, relationships, and the entire rhythm of a household. It wasn’t something I took lightly, and it wasn’t something I felt 100% at peace about right away. If you’ve read my earlier posts, you already know I’ve been honest about how much I’ve wrestled with big decisions and the weight they carry. This one shaped my kids’ lives in real-time, and it shaped mine too. I spent a lot of days trying to be strong on the outside while quietly working through a storm of feelings on the inside: guilt, relief, doubt, hope — sometimes all in the same hour.

    Somewhere in the middle of everything, I also watched friendships shift. Not always in dramatic ways. Sometimes it was just distance. Sometimes it was silence. Sometimes it was realizing I was the only one trying to keep a connection alive. That part hurt more than I expected, because I’ve always believed that if something matters, you fight for it. Last year taught me that fighting alone isn’t fighting for a friendship — it’s begging for one.

    Then life got loud in the ways that matter most. My father needed heart surgery, and nothing humbles you faster than hearing words like that attached to someone you love. It rearranged my priorities overnight. Suddenly the things I was stressing over didn’t feel as important, and the things I had been pushing off felt urgent. It reminded me how fragile “normal” really is, and how quickly the world can shift.

    And just when I thought I was finding my footing again, the year ended with the loss of my grandfather. Grief has a way of changing the temperature of your whole life. It doesn’t just hurt — it rewrites how you think, how you remember, and what you notice. It made me sit with the reality that time keeps moving whether we’re ready or not. It made me think about the kind of person he was, the kind of life he lived, and what it means to honor someone not just with words, but with the way you choose to live afterward.

    So here are the hardest truths I learned last year — the ones that didn’t come easy, but came honest.

    1) Doing what’s right doesn’t always feel good.
    That move wasn’t a neat, confident leap. It was a complicated decision that came with sacrifice and second-guessing. I learned that sometimes the right move still comes with grief attached.

    2) My kids don’t need a perfect parent — they need a present one.
    I can’t control every outcome or protect them from every hard thing. But I can show up. I can be consistent. I can be steady. And that matters more than any perfectly executed plan.

    3) Not every friendship is built to survive change.
    This one was hard to swallow. Some people love you, but only when you’re convenient. Some people support you, but only when your life looks like theirs. Last year showed me who could grow with me — and who could only handle the version of me that didn’t disrupt anything.

    4) Silence is an answer.
    When the effort isn’t returned… when the calls stop… when the messages go unanswered… that’s not confusion. That’s clarity. I learned to stop translating people’s silence into hope.

    5) You can outgrow people you still care about.
    There’s a special kind of pain in realizing you can love someone and still need distance. Not out of hate. Not out of bitterness. But out of self-respect and survival.

    6) Health scares rewrite your priorities overnight.
    My father’s heart surgery snapped me back into what matters. It reminded me that “someday” is not a promise, and being too busy is never going to be a good excuse to miss what’s important.

    7) Grief doesn’t just hurt — it clarifies.
    Losing my grandfather changed how I look at time, family, and legacy. It made me think about what I want to carry forward, what I want to leave behind, and how I want the people I love to feel when they think of me.

    I won’t pretend last year didn’t break parts of me. It did. But it also built something in me that I’m grateful for — a quieter kind of strength. The kind that doesn’t need to announce itself. The kind that learns to let go without making it a war. The kind that chooses peace even when it feels unfamiliar.

    Change is hard. It’s uncomfortable. It’s messy. It asks things from us we didn’t plan on giving. But sometimes change is also the answer to prayers we were too tired to say out loud. Sometimes it’s the doorway we didn’t want — leading to the life we actually need. And if you’re in a season where everything feels like it’s shifting, I hope you don’t mistake discomfort for failure. Sometimes it’s just growth doing what growth does — stretching you into the person you’ve been becoming all along.

  • The Difference And What It Taught Me

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between knowing someone and treating them well.

    Sometimes people stay connected out of habit—history, routine, shared chapters—and we call that closeness. But real closeness isn’t access. It isn’t constant contact. It’s respect, awareness, and the ability to show up without making the other person carry your weight on top of their own.

    I’ve also learned that not all disrespect is loud. A lot of it shows up quietly: assumptions, one-size-fits-all advice, and comparisons nobody asked for. The kind of talk that sounds harmless if you’ve never had to grind for stability—if you’ve never had to think through consequences, tradeoffs, and the long game just to keep life steady. Over time, that creates distance, because one person feels understood and the other feels managed.

    I don’t need anyone to fix my life. I don’t need big speeches or grand gestures. I need relationships that feel even—where support doesn’t come with a scoreboard, and where being “helpful” doesn’t turn into talking down to someone who’s still fighting for footing.

    I’m not angry. I’m just paying attention to what actually feels healthy. And I’m giving myself permission to choose peace without making a production out of it.

    If this post made you feel some sort of way, consider reaching out to the person who came to mind. Closing the gap might be the start of repairing what’s strained.

    If you’ve been on either side of a friendship that’s shifted—whether you were the one holding on or the one stepping back—feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. What did you learn? What helped? What do you wish you said sooner?

    And if this hit close to home and you don’t want to say it publicly, you’re not alone. Leave a comment and I’ll reach back out, or just say “connect” and we can talk. Sometimes having one steady conversation is enough to start moving things in a better direction.

    If you think someone else might need this, share it. You never know who’s quietly trying to figure out the same thing.

  • Finding Balance in the Middle of a Busy Week

    Where has the time gone? A full week has flown by, and I didn’t even realize how much time had passed until I finally sat down to write again. Sorry it’s been so long since I was last here — let’s catch up. The past week was busy, but in the best way. Work kept me moving, and those long days gave me plenty of time to reflect.

    One of the biggest takeaways from this past week was the importance of being honest with myself. I spent a lot of time thinking about who I am right now, the year as a whole, and the people in my life who have truly stood by me through it all.

    My friends are an anchor in my life. They give me a place to vent, a place to be heard, and a steady presence when I need it most — and I try to be that same person for them when they need it. One of my closest friends is someone I worked with back when I was in EMS. We lost touch for a while, life pulling us in different directions, but a few months ago we reconnected.

    At first, there was a little awkwardness — the kind that comes from time and distance — but it didn’t last long. It was like someone flipped a switch, and suddenly we were right back where we left off. We talked about the past, the time we spent together, the calls we ran side by side, and the experiences that shaped us during those years. It felt familiar in a way that was comforting, like picking up a conversation that never really ended.

    That was about three months ago, and I don’t think I was ready to write about it until now. This is someone I talk to and text with every day — sometimes multiple times a day. They understand me, my life, and the struggles I carry. Sometimes they offer advice that helps me see things clearly, and other times they’re simply there to listen, which can be just as important.

    They were one of the people who trained me when I first started. They took me under their wing and showed me not just how to do the job, but how to become a confident and capable provider. There really aren’t enough words to fully express how grateful I am to have them back in my life. Some connections don’t fade — they just wait until the time is right to find their way back.

    This week was a good one at work as well. Tonight we had our annual holiday party, and it was genuinely a great time. It was nice to come together outside of work — no schedules, no deadlines, just good conversations and shared laughs. Stepping away from the daily routine and spending time together in a more relaxed setting was refreshing in a way I didn’t realize I needed. Moments like that remind me how important connection is, not just in life, but in the places we spend so much of our time.

    As I look back on this week, I’m realizing how much of life is made up of moments we don’t always stop to appreciate — quiet conversations, reconnections, shared laughter, and the simple comfort of being surrounded by people who know you. Weeks like this remind me that slowing down, even briefly, matters. Being honest with myself matters. And so does recognizing the people who show up, stay consistent, and make life feel a little steadier when everything else is moving fast.

    I don’t have everything figured out — and I’m learning that I don’t need to. For now, it’s enough to acknowledge the good moments when they happen, to be grateful for the people who anchor me, and to allow myself the space to reflect as time moves forward.

    If this past week taught me anything, it’s that sometimes the most meaningful progress doesn’t come from big changes — it comes from simply paying attention to what’s already here.

  • When the Promise of a Long Drive Feels Like Relief

    As the sun set on Sunday, I got a message from the load dispatcher letting me know that today I’d be taking the six-hour round trip again. And the moment I read it, I felt something I don’t often get to feel before a workday — relief. A quiet kind of relief, knowing I’d have a full day on the road with nothing but my thoughts, the hum of the engine, and the miles unfolding in front of me. No stress. No last-minute chaos. Just drive.

    It’s not often that I know what my day will look like ahead of time. Most days shift without warning — orders get cancelled, new ones pop up, priorities change, and I adapt because that’s simply the nature of the job. It used to bother me more than it does now, but over time it’s become part of the rhythm of this work. Still, every once in a while, getting that heads-up feels like a gift. It gives me a moment to breathe before the day even starts.

    While I was on my adventure for the day, I spent a good part of the drive listening to a radio show — not thinking deeply, not overanalyzing, just existing. For a little while, it felt good to let my mind quiet down. The worries from last week are still sitting with me, of course, but I’ve started to accept that there’s nothing I can do in this exact moment that would magically give me the right answer. The truth is, I’m not in a position to move again yet, even if I want to. The jump scares me — not for myself, but for my kids. The idea of uprooting them one more time, only to potentially fail again, is something I won’t put them through unless I’m absolutely sure.

    Somewhere along the miles, I made my usual daily calls to friends — checking in as the week began, seeing who was doing what, and whether anyone needed help with anything. Outside of my family and my work, my friends are the foundation that keeps me grounded. Being able to talk to them almost every day fills my life with something deeper than routine — it fills it with connection, purpose, and a kind of steady comfort I’m grateful for. In their own quiet way, they make my life fuller and happier just by being there.

    Somewhere between the miles and the conversations, I started thinking about how much these small routines mean to me — the long drives, the check-ins with friends, the simple feeling of being connected to something steady in a world that doesn’t always feel steady at all. These moments don’t fix everything, but they give me enough clarity to keep moving forward. They remind me that even when I don’t have all the answers, I’m not facing any of this alone. And maybe that’s why I look forward to these long trips more than most people would understand — because they give me the space to breathe, to listen, to feel, and to quietly sort through the pieces of my life that I’m still trying to figure out.

    By the time I pulled back into town, I realized that maybe the peace I find on these long drives isn’t about escaping anything — it’s about giving myself room to face the things I’m not ready to say out loud yet. Life feels heavy sometimes, and the choices ahead of me feel even heavier, but knowing I have these moments of clarity, these conversations, these small pieces of quiet… it makes the weight a little easier to carry. And as I sit with all of it tonight, I can’t help but wonder how many of us are out here trying to navigate the same uncertainties, the same fears, the same hopes for the people we love. So I’m curious — where do you find your moments of peace? What gives you space to think when life starts moving faster than you can keep up? And have you ever stood in a place where the right choice wasn’t clear, but the need for one was undeniable? I’d love to hear your stories. Sometimes the paths we walk alone are the ones we understand best when someone else shares theirs.

  • Snow, Silence, and the Questions I Can’t Ignore

    Saturday morning, before my eyes were even open, the world was already moving. A quick snow squall had blown through at dawn, leaving a thin fresh coat of white across the ground — not much, just enough to remind me that winter is fully here now. The kind of snowfall that doesn’t slow anything down, but quietly announces the season in its own subtle way.

    I woke to the sound of my father calling my name, his voice cutting through the grogginess that still clung to me. Half-asleep, I asked why he woke me so early. His reply came simply, the way it always does this time of year: “It snowed.”

    And that was that.
    No time to think.
    No easing into the morning.

    Just the familiar shift from sleep to responsibility.

    I got up, pulled myself together, and headed out to find salt and start the morning rounds. The air was cold, sharp enough to wake me faster than any alarm clock ever could. The ground crunched under my boots, the way it only does after the first real touch of winter. Another day of work was already waiting for me before the sun had fully taken its place in the sky.

    While that wasn’t my whole day — only a few hours, really — it gave me something I didn’t realize I needed: time to breathe, to reflect, and to catch up with friends and loved ones I hadn’t spoken to much this week. As I made my rounds and handled the morning tasks, I found myself having real conversations again. Not rushed check-ins, not stress-driven calls, just simple moments of connection.

    And what struck me most was how okay everyone seemed to be. No emergencies. No crises. No situations that needed me to jump in and fix something that felt impossible to fix. Just normal conversations. Just updates. Just life.

    There was a calming feeling in that — a sense of relief I didn’t expect. It’s rare these days to have conversations where I don’t feel the weight of needing to problem-solve or carry someone else’s burden. Sometimes you forget how peaceful it can feel when talking to people doesn’t require you to react, rescue, or repair anything. Just listening, laughing, catching up, being present.

    For a few hours, that was enough.
    And if I’m being honest, it was exactly what I needed.

    As the day drew on, I found myself sitting here writing this, and the same thought keeps circling in my mind: I need to make changes in my life — real, significant ones — to give my children the happiness they deserve. The question now is what that change is supposed to look like.

    Do I try to move back to that small, quiet town with nothing around it, simply to give them what they’re asking for? Do I uproot everything again so they can be reunited with the friends they miss and return to the school they feel connected to? These questions repeat themselves in my head like a loop I can’t pause.

    Deep down, I know exactly what it feels like to be moved away from the place you grew up, from the friends who shaped your childhood, from the streets and hallways that felt like home. I’ve lived that pain. I still carry pieces of it. And maybe that’s why this decision weighs so heavily on me. I don’t want my kids to feel the same loss I felt.

    But the reality is complicated. That small town doesn’t offer many steady, year-round jobs. Going back means risking financial instability — and once you fall behind in a town like that, it’s not easy to climb back out. I have to think about stability just as much as I think about their happiness. I have to balance the emotional cost with the practical one.

    These thoughts pull at me from both sides, and the truth is, I don’t have an answer yet. But owning that uncertainty feels like the first step toward figuring out what comes next.

    Part of what makes this decision weigh so heavily on me is that I’ve already lived the aftermath of being moved away. I know what it feels like to suddenly disappear from the world you grew up in — to become the kid whose picture ends up on a yearbook page titled “Students We’ve Missed.” At the time, seeing my face there hit me in a way I still remember. It was a strange mix of comfort and sadness: comfort that people still thought of me, sadness that I wasn’t there anymore to be part of those memories. And even though a few friends reached out through social media back then, it wasn’t the same as actually being present — being part of the inside jokes, the hallway conversations, the moments that shape who you are.

    I don’t want my children to feel that same quiet ache. Yes, today they can message friends, FaceTime, send snaps, scroll through updates — but is that really enough to replace the feeling of walking into a school where your best friends are waiting for you? Is that enough to replace the comfort of being known, understood, and surrounded by the people who grew up alongside you? Social media kept some of my friendships alive, but not all of them. A handful reached out to me — and I’m grateful for that — but I don’t know if my kids would be as lucky. Not every child gets reconnection. Not every friendship survives distance. And that’s a truth I can’t ignore.

    And so the debate lives on inside me, a steady pull between past and present, as I keep weighing whether going back might finally offer my children the sense of belonging I spent years searching for.

    As I sit with all of this, I’m reminded that life doesn’t hand us perfect answers. It hands us choices, and sometimes those choices come with a weight that doesn’t let you sleep easy at night. I’m a father trying to rewrite a story I once lived, hoping my kids never have to feel the same emptiness I carried when I was pulled away from everything familiar. I want their friendships to last, their memories to stay rooted, their sense of home to be something steady — not something they lose in the shuffle of life’s hard decisions.

    But wanting something and knowing how to make it happen are two very different things. I’m still sorting through the fears, the what-ifs, the financial realities, and the quiet hope that maybe I can get this right. Maybe the path ahead won’t mirror the one behind me. Maybe I can break the cycle instead of repeating it.

    All I know is this: my kids deserve a version of life that feels whole. And whatever decision I end up making, it will come from a place of wanting their world to be better than mine ever was at their age — more stable, more joyful, more connected.

    If you’ve ever stood at a crossroads like this — torn between the past you remember and the future you want to build — I’d genuinely love to hear your story.
    How did you make your decision?
    What helped you move forward?
    What would you do differently?

    Your wisdom might be exactly what someone else, maybe even me, needs to hear tonight. More to come soon have a safe and enjoyable evening.

  • The Quiet Moments That Change Us

    This week has been a busy one for me — the kind of busy that doesn’t just fill your schedule, but fills your mind too. Winter showed up in full force here in the Northeast, and with it comes another responsibility I take on every year: plowing snow for my family’s business. It’s one of those seasonal tasks that slips into my life as naturally as the campground slips out.

    There’s a rhythm to it — the late-night calls, the early-morning starts, the long hours behind the wheel staring into a wall of falling snow. It’s work I don’t mind, work I’ve done for years, but it still adds a weight to the week that you can feel in your shoulders by Friday. Between my regular job and the winter storm routines, it becomes a stretch of days where I’m constantly moving, constantly thinking, constantly pushing through.

    By the end of the week, I’m exhausted — not just physically from the shoveling, the driving, the hours on the road — but mentally, too. The kind of tired that sits behind your eyes and makes you pause for a moment before starting the next thing on your list. This time of year fills the gap left by the campground, but it replaces the peace of summer fires with the grind of winter storms. There’s a certain purpose in it, yes, but also a heaviness that settles in when everything piles up at once.

    Tuesday and Wednesday were my days off from my regular driving job because of the snow. When storms move in, my boss gives me the time I need to handle the plowing, then I return once everything is cleaned up. It’s something I’ve always appreciated — the understanding, the flexibility, the recognition that this time of year is different for me.

    Tuesday morning started early, around 7:30 AM, finishing the last of the driveway staking so we could see the paths once the snow covered everything. Now, let’s be honest — this storm wasn’t anything remarkable. Three inches at most, and that’s if you measured the deepest spot. But the work still has to be done, and after months away from the plows, you spend the first storm knocking the rust off your skills and hoping the equipment wakes up after its long Spring–Summer–Fall hibernation.

    For me, the prep didn’t start Tuesday. It actually began Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. While most people were enjoying leftovers or relaxing, I was out staking driveways and mounting plows and salters back onto the trucks. The weekend looked the same — in and out of the truck, stake after stake, getting everything ready for winter’s return.

    Monday I worked my regular job, and at the end of the day my boss said, “I’ll see you Wednesday or Thursday — you tell me when you’re coming back.”
    That kind of trust goes a long way, especially when balancing two responsibilities. It’s something I’ve never taken for granted.

    Tuesday turned into one of those marathon days — 7:30 AM to 11:50 PM, barely stopping long enough to grab a drink or something quick to eat. Just hours of plowing, clearing, checking equipment, and driving from one property to the next until the day finally caught up with me.

    Wednesday started even earlier. We were out the door by 4:00 AM salting driveways and parking lots before anyone else woke up. It wasn’t as long as Tuesday, but it was still a solid eight hours of work before I could finally head home. Once everything was wrapped up, I crashed for a short nap before trying to shift my mind back into regular life.

    Thursday was one of those days where I was just going through the motions — still tired, still trying to wrap my mind around being back at work after the storm. It wasn’t a bad day by any means. In fact, it reminded me how grateful I am to have a job I enjoy, something I don’t dread walking into every morning. In today’s world, that alone feels like a gift.

    By Friday, I finally felt like myself again. I was given a six-hour run to deliver safety surfacing for a playground, and honestly, the long drive was exactly what I needed. There’s something about having uninterrupted time on the highway that lets everything inside me settle. It’s just me, the road, and whatever thoughts decide to show up. No noise, no pressure — just clarity.

    A lot happened this week. Work was intense. The kids are doing well, though one of them is dealing with a few challenges we’re working through together. I’ll probably share more about that in a future post, once there’s more to tell and I’ve had time to process it. But today’s drive gave me space to think about everything — the good, the stressful, the unexpected.

    And somewhere in the middle of that quiet, I ran into a hard truth:
    I might need to move again.

    Not for me — for my kids.
    To get them closer to where they want to be in school.
    To put them back in the environment they feel connected to.
    To let them reunite with the friends they miss.

    It hit me because I know exactly what they’re feeling.
    I was their age when I was moved away from everything familiar, and I remember how badly it hurt, even years later. The uncertainty, the distance, the quiet ache of missing people you weren’t ready to lose — it leaves a mark. Watching my kids feel some of those same things… it’s harder than anything I deal with at work.

    But decisions like this can’t be made quickly or emotionally.
    I need to think this through — really think it through — because the last thing I want is to put myself or my children in a situation that isn’t stable or healthy for us. Their happiness matters more than anything, but so does making sure we move into something that will truly support them in the long run.

    It’s a lot to carry, but the highway has a way of giving me the space to sort through it piece by piece. And today, that solitude helped me see things more clearly than I have in a long time.

    The thoughts I’ve sat with this week all keep circling back to one truth: something needs to change in my life. I don’t know exactly what that change looks like yet, or how to make it happen, but I can feel it pressing on me in a way that’s hard to ignore. I tried to make that change last year and it fell apart when I got laid off. I ended up having to move away again and stay with family just to get back on my feet. I was lucky to get my job back, but the setback was a reminder that not every leap lands the way you expect it to.

    These are the thoughts that keep me awake some nights — not out of fear, but out of the weight of wanting to do right by my kids and finally create stability that doesn’t slip out from under us. As overwhelming as it can be, I’m grateful for the ability to sit with my thoughts, to work through things in the quiet of the truck or on long drives. That space is where I find the clearest answers, even when those answers aren’t fully formed yet.

    Right now, I’m actively researching jobs and looking at apartments in the town my kids want to attend school in. I’m not sure I’m ready to jump immediately — I’ve learned the hard way that rushing a big decision can do more harm than good. Part of me wonders if renting an apartment just to establish an address for my kids might be enough for now. Maybe that would give them what they need without forcing an abrupt upheaval on all of us.

    But regardless of the path I take, I know one thing:
    I need to be financially ready for whatever comes next.
    I need clarity, stability, and a plan I can stand behind. And until I reach that point, I have to keep thinking, keep preparing, and keep being honest with myself about what’s right for my family.

    I’m working on making a decision that won’t just change my life — it will shape theirs. And that’s not something I can take lightly.

    As this week comes to a close, I’m realizing that life doesn’t always hand us clear answers — sometimes it just hands us questions we aren’t ready for. Between work, winter storms, long drives, and the quiet moments where my thoughts finally catch up to me, I’ve been pushed to look at my life in a way I’ve been avoiding. Change is on the horizon for me. I can feel it. But standing at the edge of that kind of decision comes with its own mix of fear, hope, and responsibility.

    I want to make choices that give my kids a better path than the one I had. I want stability, closeness, and the chance for them to feel rooted in a way I wasn’t at their age. But big decisions take time, and the weight of getting it right isn’t something I take lightly. So for now, I’m doing the only thing I can — thinking, planning, listening to the quiet parts of myself that finally speak up when the world slows down.

    Weeks like this remind me that we all carry more than we let people see. We all have our storms, our moments of clarity, our late-night thoughts we don’t always know how to express. And sometimes, just saying them out loud — or writing them down — makes them a little easier to carry.

    If you’ve had a week that made you think, reflect, or feel more than usual, I’d genuinely love to hear about it.
    What challenged you?
    What surprised you?
    What moment stood out — good or bad?

    Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to read tonight.

  • 2005: A Year That Changed Everything

    2005: A Year That Changed Everything

    The year was 2005, and my life had been turned upside down by family issues that forced us to pack up and leave the town I’d grown up in. At fourteen, change doesn’t just feel big — it feels earth-shaking. One moment you’re rooted in everything familiar, and the next you’re staring at boxes, car trunks, and an uncertain future. I didn’t know it then, but that move would become one of the most defining shifts of my life.

    Uprooted Overnight

    The move wasn’t optional — it was the only way to keep our family intact. Even now, there are parts of that time I’m still working through, pieces of the story that feel too complicated or too personal to unpack fully. But I can say this: leaving wasn’t easy, and starting over felt like standing on shaky ground.

    My mother eventually found a small farm for rent in Upstate New York. When I say “middle of nowhere,” I mean it — twenty minutes outside of town, perched on top of a mountain where the world felt both enormous and eerily still.

    I remember the crunch of gravel under the tires as we drove up the long, winding driveway for the first time.
    The wind carried nothing but the rustling of trees.
    The nights were darker, the stars brighter, the silence heavier.

    No neighbors close by, no kids my age, no familiar landmarks — just fields, sky, and the kind of quiet that almost echoes.

    But surprisingly, that quiet didn’t crush me. I’ve always been the keep-to-myself type, and the solitude gave me something I didn’t know I needed: space to breathe. Space to think. Space where life finally slowed down, even if the circumstances were heavy.

    A New School, Old Fears

    Starting school again was another challenge entirely. Anyone who’s ever switched schools as a teenager knows the feeling — the nerves, the hallways that seem too wide, the faces that all blur together. But for me, the hardest part wasn’t being new. It was knowing what — and who — I left behind.

    I lost my routine, my Explorer program, and the friends who knew me better than I sometimes knew myself. The new school’s staff and students were welcoming, and I made friends quickly, but that didn’t erase the ache of leaving the people who shaped the first fourteen years of my life.

    Some friends eventually learned what happened through social media. One of them — someone I’d known since preschool — wrote me actual letters after I moved. Handwritten notes from home, filled with pieces of my old life. They were reminders that I mattered, that I wasn’t forgotten, that connection could survive distance.

    Years later, that same friend sent me a photo from our senior yearbook. There was a page titled “Students We’ve Missed.”
    And there I was — my photo and name printed in a school I no longer attended.

    Seeing that hit me like a punch to the chest.
    It was the first time I allowed myself to believe that maybe I still belonged somewhere.
    Maybe I wasn’t gone from their story after all.

    It inspired me to reach back out — even to people I’d barely spoken to before. Some replied, some didn’t, but reconnecting mattered. It reminded me that roots don’t always disappear just because life pulls you in a new direction.

    2006: Joining a New Fire Family

    In 2006, I turned sixteen and finally became eligible to join the fire department in our new town. They didn’t have an Explorer program like back home, but they had Junior Firefighters for ages sixteen to eighteen. Even with past experience, walking through that firehouse door brought back every old fear — the worry, the doubt, the feeling of being the new kid again.

    But something was different this time.

    On the day I applied, my father and brother applied, too.
    Suddenly it wasn’t just my path — it was ours.

    The joining process was structured: fill out an application, have it reviewed at a meeting, attend a month of drills, then be voted in. After thirty days, all three of us were officially welcomed into the department.

    Training became something we shared as a family.
    Sitting side-by-side in fire classes.
    Learning the basics.
    Pushing each other.
    Growing together.

    We couldn’t take Firefighter 1 right away because my brother and I were still under eighteen, but we completed every smaller class we could. Those early steps became the foundation for the firefighters — and the people — we would later become.

    What That Chapter Taught Me

    Looking back, it’s impossible not to feel the weight of what that move took from me — and everything it quietly gave me.

    I lost childhood friends.
    I lost familiarity.
    I lost the comfort of knowing where I belonged.

    But I also gained new people.
    New mentors.
    New friends who saw me for who I was becoming, not just who I had been.
    A tighter bond with my father and brother.
    And a deeper sense of resilience that still follows me today.

    Those years taught me that life doesn’t always give us warning signs or smooth transitions. Sometimes the hardest chapters end up guiding us toward the people and places that change us for the better.

    Every friendship — the ones that stayed, the ones that faded, and the ones still ahead — has shaped who I am.
    Every goodbye taught me something.
    Every new beginning added something I didn’t know I needed.

    Your Turn

    We all have moments like this — a move, a change, a loss, a beginning that felt like an ending at the time.
    Moments where the ground shifts beneath you, but years later you see the growth it led to.

    Have you ever had a chapter like that?
    A time when life pulled you away from the familiar?
    A moment that felt painful but later made sense?

    If you’re willing, I’d truly love to hear your story in the comments.
    Your experience might be the reminder someone else needs today.

  • The Firehouse Door That Opened My World

    It’s hard to know how many people read these posts, but part of why I’m writing is to share who I am as a person — the real parts, the pieces that shaped me. One of the biggest things outside of my family and kids is that I’ve spent years volunteering for the fire department and ambulance. That part of my life started early, long before adulthood or responsibility ever crossed my mind.

    September 14th, 2004 — just a couple of days after my 14th birthday — was the night everything changed for me. It was a Tuesday evening I’ll never forget, the night I walked into the local fire station and signed up for the Cadet Program. Like most kids, I had a fascination with big trucks, but my other dream was to be a firefighter. The problem was you can’t become one until you’re eighteen. Luckily, the town I lived in had a Fire Explorer program.

    For those who don’t know, the Fire Explorer program is a youth program run through the Boy Scouts of America that gives teens a chance to learn about the fire service and emergency response. It’s not full firefighting, but it’s hands-on training, basic skills, teamwork, and real exposure to what the job is really like. Explorers learn everything from hose handling and ladders to first aid, leadership, and how a fire department actually operates. It’s meant for young people who want to explore the field, gain experience, and be part of something bigger than themselves.

    My father drove me to the station that first night. We met with the advisor, went over the details of the program, and he signed the permission slip. That was it — I was officially in. When I think back now, I can still remember almost every detail of that evening. It was one of the most exciting nights of my life. A lot of the kids in the program were people I already knew from school or around town, so it felt easy to be around them.

    Still, like any new group or social environment, there was that fear in the back of my mind — Will I fit in? Will they like me? Those thoughts can be crippling at that age. I remember sticking close to the people I knew well and keeping my distance from the ones I didn’t. It took time, but eventually that changed.

    Being part of that program took the idea of becoming a firefighter from a childhood dream to a real passion. Plenty of kids say they want to do it. Some follow through, others don’t. For me, the program cemented it. I was hooked.

    About two years into my time as an Explorer, my family relocated, and I had to leave the department I started in. It was tough, but I found a spot in a small department in our new town — and funny enough, it ended up pulling my father and brother into the fire service too. We took our classes together, trained side by side, and all three of us earned certification as interior firefighters.

    That move changed more than just my address — it marked the beginning of a new chapter, one that would shape the next part of my journey in ways I didn’t expect. But that’s a story for another day.

  • The Slow Down I Didn’t Know I Needed

    In my free time, I enjoy a lot of different activities, but most of them share one purpose: slowing the world down for a little while. Life moves fast without asking if you’re ready for it. Work piles up, responsibilities stack, and before you know it, you’re going through the motions instead of actually living.

    Now that fall has settled in and winter is just around the corner, I find myself home more. The campground has closed for the year, and with it, one of the biggest sources of peace in my life has gone quiet until spring. The nights are colder, the trees are bare, and everything feels like it’s shifting into a different season — not just outside, but in me too.

    During the summer, the campground is my happy place. My family has a seasonal site, and every time I pull in, it feels like the weight of the week lifts off my shoulders. There’s something different about that place — maybe it’s the crackle of the fire, the smell of other families cooking dinner, or the sound of whatever musician is playing down at the field. Or maybe it’s just the freedom to step away from everything for a bit.

    Most weekends, I don’t even bother stopping at home after work. I punch out at 4 p.m., get in my truck, and head straight there. Those drives are the bridge between my busy week and the quiet I’m chasing. By the time I arrive, people are settling in, fires are being lit, and the whole campground feels alive in a way nothing else does. It’s one of the few places where I can truly exist without worrying about anything.

    What I love most is how simple everything becomes. I rarely even carry my phone, and if I do, it stays in my pocket. Life slows down. My thoughts get quieter. I can just be.

    But the last month of the season is always the hardest. You can feel the shift long before the gates close. Friends start packing up earlier. Weekends get quieter. The music stops. The fires burn out faster. It’s the beginning of the end, and every year it hits me the same way — a mix of gratitude for the memories and a heaviness knowing it’s almost over.

    I find myself wanting to squeeze every last moment out of that place. Every last fire. Every last night sitting outside under the stars. Every last breath of summer before winter takes over.

    Reflection

    The end of the season always makes me step back and think about why places like this matter so much. It’s not just the campground — it’s what it gives me. Space. Stillness. A break from everything that moves too quickly. As life shifts into winter, I’m reminded that finding moments to slow down isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity. And while the campground sleeps for a few months, the peace it gives me stays with me, reminding me to find that quiet wherever I can.

    More to come soon.