The Difference And What It Taught Me

I’ve been thinking a lot about the difference between knowing someone and treating them well.

Sometimes people stay connected out of habit—history, routine, shared chapters—and we call that closeness. But real closeness isn’t access. It isn’t constant contact. It’s respect, awareness, and the ability to show up without making the other person carry your weight on top of their own.

I’ve also learned that not all disrespect is loud. A lot of it shows up quietly: assumptions, one-size-fits-all advice, and comparisons nobody asked for. The kind of talk that sounds harmless if you’ve never had to grind for stability—if you’ve never had to think through consequences, tradeoffs, and the long game just to keep life steady. Over time, that creates distance, because one person feels understood and the other feels managed.

I don’t need anyone to fix my life. I don’t need big speeches or grand gestures. I need relationships that feel even—where support doesn’t come with a scoreboard, and where being “helpful” doesn’t turn into talking down to someone who’s still fighting for footing.

I’m not angry. I’m just paying attention to what actually feels healthy. And I’m giving myself permission to choose peace without making a production out of it.

If this post made you feel some sort of way, consider reaching out to the person who came to mind. Closing the gap might be the start of repairing what’s strained.

If you’ve been on either side of a friendship that’s shifted—whether you were the one holding on or the one stepping back—feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. What did you learn? What helped? What do you wish you said sooner?

And if this hit close to home and you don’t want to say it publicly, you’re not alone. Leave a comment and I’ll reach back out, or just say “connect” and we can talk. Sometimes having one steady conversation is enough to start moving things in a better direction.

If you think someone else might need this, share it. You never know who’s quietly trying to figure out the same thing.